The Joys of Coaching – Part 1

“A coach is someone who always makes you do what you don’t want to do, so that you can be who you always wanted to be.” – Leeman Bennett, American football coach

Given my limited experience with triathlon, and given that my husband Alan is clearly the more athletic one in our relationship, he has become my de facto triathlon coach.

Now being coached by your performance-driven spouse can be a tricky thing. It helps to keep a sense of humour at all times…

For the Love of Metrics

Since he is an engineer, it’s not surprising that Alan is obsessed with data and how it can be used to improve his athletic performance. I, on the other hand, am a bit more laid back, and know just what to say to push his buttons…

Lisa:                “Honey, I’ve been thinking about what you said about getting the biggest bang for my                               buck in triathlon by improving my cycling, since I’ll be spending the most time on the                                 bike. So that’s my goal for this year – I want to get some mad biking skills!”
Alan:               “That’s great! You should really quantify that goal. What kind of metrics are you going to                           use to measure that?”
Lisa:                “What do you mean?”
Alan:               “For example, a goal might be to ride 90 km in under three hours. If you quantify your                                 goal, you can track your progress.”
Lisa:                “Hmmm.” (Pauses for a minute to think.) “Okay, my goal is for one person to say to me,                                 ‘Lisa, you’ve got some mad biking skills!’”
Alan:               (Covers his eyes with the palm of his hand and prays for the good Lord to grant him                                   patience.)

A Fresh Start

The beginning of a new year is always filled with hope and optimism, for the first few minutes at least…

Lisa:                “It’s January 1st! Everyone gets to start the New Year with a blank page, right?”
Alan:               “Yes.”
Lisa:                “Your mouth says ‘Yes,’ but your eyes are still judging me for all the workouts that I didn’t                           do last year.”
Alan:               (Laughs.) “That’s not true.” [Yes, it was.]
Lisa:                “Anyways… Experts say it’s healthy and sustainable to lose one pound a week. So losing                             two pounds a month, which is half of that, should be doable. I could be at my fantasy                                 weight by the end of the year at that rate! Two pounds a month – that’s doable, right?”
Alan                “Yes… in theory. But how many people do you know who lose 24 pounds in a year?”
Lisa:                (Nods in agreement.) “True. So where does it go wrong then?”
Alan:               “Diet.”
Lisa:                “Okay. So we agree that losing two pounds a month is totally doable on paper. I’m going                            for it! When exactly do you think things will fall off the rails for me? Give me your honest                            prediction.”
Alan:               “February.”

Saboteur!

I was perfectly content, sitting on the couch, reading an article on the iPad before I was unceremoniously interrupted…

Alan:               (Shouts from the kitchen…) “Do you want a Kit Kat?”
Lisa:                “No.”
Alan:               (Walks over to the couch.) “Here, have a Kit Kat.”
Lisa:                “No thanks, I’m good.”
Alan:               (In a gentle, loving voice, accompanied by puppy dog eyes…) “But I brought it, for you.”                               (Holds the Halloween-sized Kit Kat chocolate bar in Lisa’s face, waving it between her                               eyes and the iPad.)
Lisa:                (Exasperated…) “Fine.” (Unwraps and eats it, so she can resume reading in peace.)
Alan:               “Oh my God! You are so weak!”

For more of these exchanges, read “The Joys of Coaching – Part 2.”